Dear Mrs. Wang Wei:
I thank you for your letter of concern.
I can understand your anger. I can understand your pain.
However, it really isn’t my fault that your husband Wang
Wei was going the wrong way. Please don’t get the idea
that our Navy EP-3E Aries ll reconnaissance aircraft
intentionally collided into your husband’s plane. What
good would it do to send Wei’s plane plunging into the
sea? It’s not as if our reconnaissance plane was spying or
anything. Our plane was just checking out the scenic places
off the Chinese coast.
I don’t want you to get the false
impression that I am not sincere and that I do not value the
lives of people who are not American. And I don’t want you
to think that I consider the 24-crew members of EP-3E Aries
ll more important than say, the lives of a million Chinese.
If you doubt this please remember how my father George Bush
Sr. was responsible for the slaughter of hundreds of
thousands of Iraqis but ensured that American soldiers sent
home in those awful black body bags were but a few. Of
course Dad didn’t want to have another Vietnam on his
hands and have all those wild American mothers demonstrating
in the streets just because their sons happened to die in
some unknown battlefield in Iraq.
And then if this doesn’t convince
you, look at the situation in Occupied Palestine. I and all
the American presidents before me since the establishment of
the State of Israel maintain the policy that no Israeli
should ever be killed by any Palestinian. However, I do
endorse the genocide of the Palestinians and I even become
violently angry when a single stone is thrown in their
defense.
In case you still doubt my sincerity, I
want to tell you a secret. I used to be a drunk. Then
everyone who loved me, which are not many I can assure you,
vowed to disown me if I kept up my wanton ways. Mind you, I
am much better than Bill because I have no Monicas in my
life as my imagination is about as big as my brain and
everyone knows that this is quite small indeed. Anyway, I
gave up booze and regained what was left of my sanity. I
never drink at all except when our spy planes get caught
spying and then I only take a swig or two to calm my nerves.
I am a born again Christian. This is
why I believe in the collective punishment of the
Palestinian people and why I tell my great friends the
Israelis that it is ok if they shoot Palestinian babies.
This is also why I demanded that Anglo-American jets bomb
Iraqi targets right after I took office and why I want to
reinforce the sanctions against Iraq so I can be sure that
more Iraqis die. You have no idea what a positive influence
old Reverend Billy Graham has been in my life. In case you
are not familiar with our family pastor and famous
soul-saving evangelist, I’m proud to inform you that he’s
the same guy who blessed Dad’s Gulf War. The kind old
reverend thought that the best way to spread peace and love
in Iraq was by bombing the Iraqis to oblivion.
I don’t want this silly incident to
be blown out of proportion. My fellow countrymen want to see
our 24 American boys that are being held hostage by your
government, come home. We want the plane too. Not because it
is a sophisticated spy plane or anything but because we
treasure all our aircraft. As you know, most American goods
are made in Korea or even in China, but our spy plane is as
American as apple pie.
Though I am supposed to say I am sorry,
I am sorry to say that I cannot. I can express my regrets
and my regrets are many. I regret that our plane got caught
sightseeing. I regret that our 24 brave servicemen are being
held hostage. I regret that your husband Wang Wei was going
the wrong way. I regret that I don’t have a bigger
vocabulary and more comprehensive statements. I regret my
father is still a wimp. I fear I am turning into one as
well. And I also regret that chimpanzees and I have so much
in common. You may have noticed that my expression and those
of a chimpanzee are quite similar though some of my
constituents insult me by insisting my brain is smaller.
Now that I have told all, I hope that
you will find it in your heart to forgive our aircraft’s
intentional downing of your husband’s plane. We really
didn’t mean for your husband to fall in the sea, we just
wanted to give him a friendly nudge and we also didn’t
want him to know how much our crew was enjoying the view of
your beautiful Chinese coast.
Remember, turning the other cheek is
the Christian thing to do. And also you must learn to
forgive. Just ask me. I’m a born again Christian and I
live my religion through all the dark deeds that I do.
In all sincerity,
George W. Bush.
