Good Morning Palestine

Edna Yaghi’s Column


Good morning Palestine! What a beautiful day it is today. The sun is shining, the temperature is around the seasonal average and winds are moderate and northwesterly. The seas bordering Palestine are calm.

It’s a great day people. And I’m your DJ to make sure you have the best day ever. If you just woke up then grab some coffee and enjoy the show on Radio Palestine. That is, if you still have a stove to make coffee on and if you still have a home that you can wake up in. But, hey, as long as the Israelis are happy, no problem.

If you now live in a tent as a re-refugee in a refugee camp, I welcome you to my program. Look at the bright side. It’s almost summer so you won’t get frostbite. Think of the whole affair as camping out. Some of you have no doubt experienced living in tents before, like when you were displaced in 1948. Others of you might have been displaced in 1967 and some of you have been displaced several times more. But you can forget all your troubles while listening to my show.

I remember doing a similar show during the Nam war. But you see, things were different then. What the North Vietnamese were afraid of was that the South Vietnamese would not convert to Communism. Then you know what happened after the Americans lost a lot of their servicemen, they just took off and ran, leaving the Northerners to slaughter those of the Southerners they felt deserved to die. Now things are different. Let me tell you this, Communism is nothing compared to the reincarnation of Evil, Sharon. He’s not out to convert us native Palestinians to Zionism my friends, he is simply out to exterminate us.

Remember those good ol’ Americans? They chickened out of Nam but we can see their weapons everywhere, like, killing us and we can feel their presence making sure that the Israelis do a good job getting rid of us. The funny thing is, every time those Israeli bulldozers move in and demolish more homes and uproot more trees, Sharon claims such actions are “anti-terrorist.” Can you beat that? There must be a new definition to terrorism that we have not yet heard of. Why, in Khan Yunis refugee camp, 400 people were left homeless because of such anti-terrorist actions. There is now a refugee camp within a refugee camp. The first ever in the Middle East. We might even get in the “Guinness World Book Records” for such feats.

And when some of the occupants of Khan Yunis camp tried to see what was happening to the houses of relatives and friends, they were shot down in cold blood by the Israelis. Everyone knows that onlookers are terrorists and that bulldozers and tanks and Israelis aiming to kill are harmless.

Fierce gun battles broke out in the Gaza Strip after Israeli tanks entered Palestinian controlled territory. Good morning Gaza! How are you faring after Israeli army bulldozers backed by 3 tanks demolished a Palestinian military intelligence headquarters and 15 Palestinian houses? How can anyone be expected to be feeling after 35 Palestinians were wounded, including a 16-year-old boy whose leg was blown off by a tank shell? No Israeli casualties were reported of course.

Six other Palestinians were injured in the Kalandia refugee camp in the West Bank as Palestinian protesters clashed with Israeli troops who responded with live and rubber bullets and tear gas too. Good morning Kalandia! I hope all is well with you this bright sunny morning.

Israeli forces entered the Rafah area and demolished several houses which Raanan Gissin, spokesman for Evil Reincarnated and Evil Incorporated, claims were used as hiding places for gunmen firing at Israeli troops. Residents of the Rafah camp threw stones at tanks before the Palestinian police arrived to confront the Israelis. Of course we all know how disappointed the Israelis must have been that they didn’t have the chance to shoot more of your children. But, hey, you’ll laugh when you hear what Gissin said. He stated that when little kids throw stones at heavily armed Israeli soldiers, they pose a threat to the security of Israel.

Good morning Rafah. Good morning to those of you who lived through the ground assault, the demolition of your houses and the shells, missiles and machinegun fire.

Have you ever noticed that the bullets that Israelis kill us with are made in the USA? Talk about complicity. Talk about justice. Talk about the US Congressmen being mad at us because we don’t just let the Israelis kill us without making a fuss about it all.

Mr. Evil Reincarnated made a recent statement that peace talks would not resume until calm is restored completely. People, you gotta be calm! Don’t be violent. Remember you are violent when you sit quietly in your homes or when your children play in the streets or when you refuse to let the Israelis shoot you point blank.

Mr. Evil has set 3 national goals for the people of Israel: One, to bring in a million Jews in the next 12 years, two, to develop the Negev and three to revitalize Zionist values in education. Peace is no longer a word in his limited vocabulary. What he does best anyway is slaughter Palestinians.

If we cease our “hostile acts” then Evil himself will offer us 42% of what is left of our occupied territories. The settlements will of course remain on what is left of our land. Naturally, this will be for the purposes of “security” and to contain us natives.

Good morning Palestine. I hope you are enjoying my show. It’s great to be alive, isn’t it? Enough small talk here on my part. Let’s get the music rolling. The first song I’m going to play is, “It’s Gonna Be Me.” I think this is very appropriate since it’s gonna be us who keep dying while the Israelis and Americans point their fingers at us accusing us of terrorism while the real terrorists are plowing us under the ground.

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