The House Majority Leader, Dick Armey, today called for the mass expulsion of Greeks from Cyprus, saying that they already had a Greek homeland and that Cyprus should not be divided from the homeland of the Turkish people. If that solution did not work, he advised the expulsion of the Turks living in Cyprus because Cyprus could very well become a part of the Greek homeland. Armey, who has a reputation for finding ‘transportation’ solutions for international conflicts, also called for the expulsion of Chechens from Chechnya, of the Irish from Northern Ireland, the removal of the Basque people from Spain, the deportation of Tamils from Sri Lanka and a final solution to the Maoris of New Zealand. He said Kashmiris should be deported to Nepal and their land should be annexed by the United States and handed over to the Disney Corporation for a world-class theme park.
When asked about America’s growing Hispanic community, especially in Texas, Dick Armey said that “we will be working on laws to limit and even reverse this dangerous influx to protect our values and the color of our skin. If they don’t speak English, I would be content to have them transported either back to Mexico or deported to Montreal. There is a lot of land and soil in Canada and our northern friends can easily accommodate those we transport there. I would also be content if they went up to Toronto.”
Armey made clear that he would also be content with the expulsion of non-European minorities from France and Germany. He expressed strong ideas about certain Latin American countries like Peru, where native minorities are actually majorities. As he put it “We need a hemisphere where native people know their place. Otherwise, we will have to place them in another hemisphere. We have the technology to do it. And I think it can be done.”
In a later interview, Armey retracted some of his positions, saying that the resolution of the Maori problem should be settled as an internal affair by the Kiwis, since they are a good bunch of Anglos and would certainly do the right thing by their native people. To those who accuse him of being an avowed ethnic cleanser, Armey had a strong response. “I come up with a clean transportation solution to all that ails the world. I create business opportunities for GreyHound and Amtrak and our suffering Airline industry and I don’t get respect. This shows that there has been a real decline in civility in America, that is directly traced to the influx of these non-European immigrants. It was bad enough when we allowed millions of Italians and Greeks to come in and squeeze us out, but at least they had some kind of Christian culture. My simple proposition to transport these troublesome folks from their native lands only generates distress among Americans on the political fringe. The people in my district are God fearing people and they know that I know my scriptures. The meek shall inherit the earth, but not just now. If it is in the American national interest to shuffle people along, we need to project our power and provide the transportation. I thought about this for years and I have made my views clear to my friends in the White House.”
While Armey has a few detractors in Congress, his ‘transportation’ ideas have become so common among his peers that The New York Times and Washington Post did not publish any of his statements. As Sulzberger put it “Dick was just rehashing what Tom Delay, the House Majority Whip has long advocated. We don’t have room to publish Armey’s ‘transportation’ views every day of the week. The public is already bored with this subject matter. Until Congress moves to provide funds for transporting the Palestinians out of the West Bank, we really don’t see a story here. William Safire has been calling for additional funds to ‘transfer’ the Palestinians for years. And all we get from Armey is hot Texan air. When we get action, we will report the story.” CNN and FOX had pretty much the same opinion on this matter.
Congressional members from both sides of the isle where quick to pitch in support for Armey’s views. Tom Lantos, a Democrat from California who markets his policies as ‘progressive transportation,’ praised Armey’s vision but said that he would be reluctant to provide full funding and that the Europeans should pitch in to assist in covering the cost of transporting all these problematic people. Lantos, who is Jewish, opined that “we do not read the same chapter and verse from the same book. But Armey’s broad vision is widely shared by colleagues from both parties and has been well received in the White House.” Lantos was quick to add that he was happy that Dick Armey and Tom Delay were willing to join hands, across party lines, to do something destructive against the native people of the Holy Land.
In a show of support for Armey’s new ‘transportation’ views, the House passed a resolution to ban any cloning of Palestinians. Proponents of the Bill make the point that cloning Palestinians today would only add to the future expense of transporting them out of their already overcrowded refugee camps. The Palestinian ‘no cloning’ Bill will now go to the Senate where it has wide bipartisan support. Lantos, a sponsor of the Bill, said that it was preposterous to spend so much money in aid to Israel for killing Palestinians and then allowing some deranged scientist to bring more Palestinians into the world.
Ex-Israeli Prime Minister Netenyahu, who doubles as the head of the largest shadow government in the world, has sent urgent instructions to every Senator to support the anti-cloning Bill. He hastily called a joint session of Congress for Monday to make sure that the bill gets through. To make sure he got the attention of the Senators he pointedly said that he “would be taking attendance.” Netenyahu, said he would also be asking the House for additional aid to Israel to compensate for the cost of ‘transferring the Palestinians to some other arena.’ In a sharp rebuff to Lantos, Netenyahu said “If we wait for the Europeans to provide transportation funds for the Palestinians, the West Bank will never be empty of these people. We have gone to great expense occupying these Arabs for thirty-five years and we need to move on to the next stage and make the Holy Land free from these subversive native elements. This is the part of the Bush doctrine that Bush needs to understand.”
These new Republican ‘transportation’ policies are getting an excellent reception from the leaders of the American Jewish Community. The ADL issued a statement saying “Israel and America are on the same side of all transportation issues. The Jewish community voices strong support for the leadership of Armey and Delay and urges them to speed up American funding. In the fight for transportation of native people, America has no greater ally than Israel. We stand as one to rid the Holy Land of all its native people.”
Hillary Clinton also wanted part of the credit for the emerging consensus in Congress. In a press release from her office she made the following accusation “There is a vast right wing conspiracy to have the Republicans take all the credit for the idea of deporting the Palestinians from Palestine. But I would like to point out to America and the people of New York, that just a few weeks ago, I was dining with Elon, Israel’s tourist minister and assuring him of my support for his plans to ethnically cleanse the West Bank and Gaza of Palestinians. I have always maintained that Israel’s transportation problems are New York’s transportation problems. The United States must stand behind Israel, the only reliable ally in the region willing to share the burdens of transportation. We must insist that while Israel is doing its part, the Arab countries also shoulder some of the responsibility by providing a destination for those we provide with transportation. We must demand of our ‘so-called Arab allies’ that they publicly embrace Israel’s transportation struggle and desist from creating roadblocks that prevent the expulsion of the Palestinians. And we must be prepared to use America’s military might to demonstrate to the Arab world how serious we are about affirming Israel’s right to defend itself against those who resist transportation.”
As things stand, all this clamor on the Hill for the expulsion of the Palestinians is drawing yawns from American journalists. Arthur Sulzberger of the New York Times pointed out that “The American public wants to see the trains packed with displaced Palestinians. They want to see GreyHound buses moving Palestinians across the River Jordan heading straight for the slums of Amman. Until we have the pictures, there is no story. Armey is always looking to mug for the camera, but we need to see action on the ground before we bore our readers with another ‘ethnic cleansing’ story.”