The Road (Back) to the White House

George W. Bush hardly ever drives anywhere. Travel by helicopter or jet aircraft is far more fuel-intensive, so he prefers those modes of travel. But figuratively, the President-Select must travel a road, and follow a map back to the Oval Office, and we will describe that route and the art of negotiating it herein.

This is a route that should be straightforward from the location where Bush finds himself now. But there could be hidden bends and even some landmines along the way. One think is for certain, there will be no left-hand turns along the way. No matter what the route for George W., any turns will be to the right, and they will probably be executed as hard right turns, with tremendous centrifugal force that will prevent the passengers from being able to easily look outside and determine the status of their own safety. The vehicle will either make it, or it won’t, but the driver will keep his foot on the accelerator through any turns and will not allow any back-seat criticisms of his driving.

On this route, fog is considered a blessing, because the less the driver or the passengers know about dangers lurking, the better. The whole idea of the trip is to reach the destination by any means possible, but not to worry excessively about the condition of the vehicle upon arrival, or to worry about safety hazards. It is a form of high-risk driving, similar in concept to high-risk poker, where the winner takes the pot and the loser loses all.

The road passes some slippery slopes, where if something goes wrong, the whole vehicle could spin out of control and crash. But Bush says he has been lucky his whole life, and he believes his luck comes from God Almighty, and he is not about to question his luck or his driving habits at this late date.

To detract from the obvious sense of danger, the radio is kept playing at all times, music favored by the driver. Some of the passengers do not like the music, but the driver feels that if the songs keep getting played over and over, they will grow on the malcontents, and soon everyone will have their toes tapping to the rhythms and the rhymes of the tunes chosen for the trip.

Most of the trip is driven at high speed. Looking back in the mirror or even through the windows is highly discouraged. Bush believes in looking straight ahead all the time, never questioning the route taken, and feels that route-checking or map-reading en route only slows down the trip and takes away the excitement of the ride. “We’ll get there, good buddy”, says the Prez, “You can count on it!”

And so the trip goes full speed ahead. The passengers hold on for dear life, and their families keep their prayers going. The destination is hazily in sight even now, but the route is perilous. The map may not even be accurate, but since Cousin Karl wrote the map, and George believes in Karl, the map is followed, pending minute high-speed adjustments along the way. “We’ll either make it or we’ll give it a heck of a try”, says George, and his back-seat passengers wonder silently if the ride is worth it. After all, this driver has the capability of crashing the car even after it makes it home and is entering the garage! This driver has the ability to burn up the engine even when the vehicle is parked. This driver has the ability to forget to shut down the engine and asphyxiate the household even when parked at home.

But the focus now is just to follow the road home. Interested parties will surely monitor the trip.

The writer is a member of several falconry and ornithological clubs and organizations. He contributed above article to Media Monitors Network (MMN) from California, USA.