The Las Vegas Sun is reporting today that the new Hamas leader, Abdel Aziz Rantisi, just announced that God has declared war against Bush and Ariel Sharon.
Rantisi, speaking at Gaza’s Islamic University, said he was not surprised that the United States vetoed a U.N. Security Council resolution condemning Israel’s assassination on Monday of Hamas spiritual leader Sheik Ahmed Yassin.
In an astonishing "Rumsfeldesque" proclamation, Rantisi said, "…America declared war against God. Sharon declared war against God and God declared war against America, Bush and Sharon. The war of God continues against them…"
But wait — it hasn’t been too long ago that Bush was out there announcing that God declared war on guys like Rantisi and all other swarthy "terriers" from one end of the globe to the other. And anybody who harbored them. And anybody who disagreed with him and God on this matter. Didn’t Bush promise on behalf of his God that there was gonna be a lot of smokin’ and runnin’ and bringing to justice, especially from Rantisis’ part of the world?
And everybody knows Ariel Sharon’s bloodthirsty God not only declares war on — but destroys — everything in His path, gobbling up innocent and guilty alike — roaring with delight as women, children, homes, and land crumble before His bulldozers. It could be just me, but — armed and jackbooted, His mouth gushing innocent blood, Sharon’s God wins hands-down as the Studmeister of all Heavenly Warriors…
If you listen to these guys, it appears it’s far easier to justify the carnage you leave in your wake by explaining you’re just "following God’s orders." They’re all out there protesting, "Hey, don’t blame ME! It was God’s idea — not mine!"
Sheesh! Everybody knows when you’re a Believer — especially a born-again one — you do what The Man tells you to do. And you do it fast, before He changes His mind.
With all due respect — and I mean that literally — who are these earthly creatures who, with dangerous, arrogant audacity, think they have the right to speak for the Creator — to wage war in His Name — to destroy with impunity millions of those who are just as important to their creator as the creatures are? Do they think if they smite each other with a frenzy of "God missiles," the last one standing knee-deep in crumpled corpses will be declared the winner?
I do not recognize the three faces — or even one face — of the God these evil mortals hide behind. He is not the God of Matthew, Mark, Luke or John. Nor is he my God. Each night, on my knees, I search for some sign from my heavenly Father, who seems to be on some strange, four-year hiatus for some unknown reason. I seek to understand why so many of His children must die — must perish in His Name…
Last night, I asked God if maybe He should think about hiring a new PR staff because His message wasn’t getting out, or is so garbled by the creatures that nobody can understand it. I suggested maybe it was possible the creatures misunderstood His orders; maybe they thought He had admonished them to "make the little children suffer then send them to Me…"
I pled with Him to declare a winner — to give the creatures their prize — money, oil, land, anything they wanted — but couldn’t He just make the killing stop? "With all due respect, Sir," I beseeched Him — "How much longer are You gonna allow this crap to continue?
And then, as I blew my nose and wiped my eyes on the bedsheet — well, actually, I didn’t blow my nose on the bedsheet — God whispered to me, "Oh ye of little faith — haven’t I got enough on My plate right now without having to drop everything and dry your tears? Have you no patience? The creatures of which you speak are all equally winners in their evil game and, verily, they shall have their reward."
"But –" I cried in confusion, "how many children have to die before–"
"One," God interjected sternly. "Just one child condemns them for all eternity. They know it is as I said — it would be better that millstones were hanged about their necks and they be cast into the sea, than that they should offend even one of My little ones."
He smiled gently. "I also weep. And the force of my tears has created a powerful, roaring ocean of truth that is even now beating at the dam of their hypocrisy, cracking it, destroying it, washing it away."
As He rose to leave, God looked down at me. "With all due respect," He said, shaking His head sadly at my trembling lack of faith — "fear not. Trust Me.
"Help is on the way…"